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Sarge, there’s … there’s literally no “around here” you can’t see

Beetle Bailey, 9/25/16

“Beetle and/or Sarge and/or sometimes one of the other characters dangle helplessly from a tree branch protruding from a cliff” is a common trope in Beetle Bailey, but to my knowledge we’ve never seen what happens before those hilarious hijinks … until now! Apparently they trip over a rock. Or “the rock.” There’s just the one, so well known that it can be used as a landmark. You’d think they’d be better about not tripping over it, to be honest.

Mark Trail, 9/25/16

Look, Woods and Wildlife Magazine has to boost circulation, and they’re going to do it the only way they know how: by upping their Swimsuit Issue to three times a year. If you know a better way to get people to renew than to have Mark and Cherry pose sexily while keeping you up to date on important nature facts about, uh, sand or whatever, let’s hear it.

Spider-Man, 9/25/16

Peter’s married now and long out of the dating game, but it’s great to see he hasn’t forgotten classics like the old “Ooops, I ‘forgot’ my wallet” maneuver!

Saturday quickies

Beetle Bailey, 9/24/16

Gotta respect the decision to have the characters completely commit emotionally here. In a strip where people are generally pretty blasé about horrific violence, General Halftrack seems genuinely terrified that he’s about to die.

Hi and Lois, 9/24/16

“They’re gonna cut off his thumbs! They’ll probably say something you like ‘Did you think this was a fuckin’ GAME’ right before they do it, too.”

Dennis the Menace, 9/24/16

Trotting out tired jokes a weatherman has heard over and over again? Not particularly menacing. Casually invading his personal space and resting your hand on his knee while you do it? Extremely menacing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/24/16

HEY, HEY WERE YOU WORRIED THAT THE REX MORGAN, M.D., DISCUSSION OF THE ETHICS OF PATIENT-NURSE FLIRTING MIGHT NOT GO ON FOR EIGHT FULL DAYS?

WELL

GOOD NEWS

Metapost: Article-pluggin’, survey-pluggin’ comments of the week!

Hey guys! A while back I threatened to use the COTW metapost to also plug my own writing, and I had not one but three pieces published this week!

  • Mr. Toretto’s Neighborhood,” at MEL Magazine, is one of my favorite things I’ve written in a while! It’s about how I moved into a new part of town and discovered that I was at ground zero for Fast and Furious fandom. You know I love specialized enthusiast communities, so this is right up my alley! And also right up the street from me.
  • I also wrote a couple slideshows for CSO Online:Security is no fiction,” about tech security as portrayed (mostly poorly) in sci-fi films and movies, and “How to keep IT security at the forefront during a merger,” about what happens when a company and another company love each other very much (they merge, and then their security all goes to hell).

Also, a reminder: I’m cooking up a redesign of the site, to be unveiled at the start of 2017! If you haven’t already done so, please take this survey to help guide our decision-making process, won’t you?

And now, at long last, your comment of the week!

‘VAMPIRE CAR DESTROYED’. Subtitle: ‘Headline Raises More Questions Than It Answers.’” –Dan

And your runners up! Very funny!

Cleveland State will be sanctioned by the NCAA (National Collegiate Artists Association) for violating strict rules of amateurism.” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“If only this story would end with Tommy on top of a Vicodin factory in a shoot out with the DEA yelling ‘I’ll do my best, Ma!’” –Zeroworld

“And all this because Tommy tried to lift a single, modest-sized cardboard box for his mother. This whole story has been a cautionary tale about the dangers of moving, even from one apartment to another. The status quo: Embrace it or else.” –Joe Blevis

“‘I worry that someday I may lose my moral compass,’ says the baby left unattended in a park.” –Chareth Cutestory

“I didn’t have a beard back then and you’ve grown three feet! Whoa, havin’ an acid flashback here. Keep on truckin’!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Unfortunately, there is no ‘coffee.’ Someday, far in the future, we may find some magic herb that will grant us the ability to stay up late into the night without being tired. But who knows what kind of unintended consequences that will bring to our simple society?! Will the demons of our dreams find a way to escape from our heads if we stay up too late? Will we yawn so wide that we will swallow the seas? Maybe ‘coffee’ will be the end of the earth as we know it… Anyhow, here’s a dagger: stab yourself in the leg if you get too tired.” –pugfuggly

“Hey, Slylock. You want a mystery to solve? Why don’t you explain to us how Harry Ape got out of the car without room to open any of the doors.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“The bonfire wasn’t cancelled. They’ve chopped down all the trees within a hundred miles of Milford and moved on to more creative fuel sources. Just look at all those bodies piled up and ready to ignite.” –Steve S

“A typical family night at the Keane Kompund: PJ is pretending his family is driving over a cliff, Dolly is looking in a catalog for a new Mommy, Jeffy is practicing for his future career as a 3-card monte hustler, and Billy is wiping his ass on the couch.” –seismic-2

“Not only is Billy wearing his shoes while he’s standing on the couch, those shoes are untied. I am going to assume he went for the trifecta and also has them on the wrong feet.” –Francis

“Was there any flatulence, Tommy? Go on. You can tell me – I’m a doctor. Describe it in detail. ‘De tail,’ heh heh. Get it? Doctor humor. Anyway, go on” –Christine Lehman, on Facebook

“Alternate caption rejected by the syndicate: To senior pluggers, intimate relations consist of a good back rub and a kiss on the cheek, because they understand that dogs and chickens are not really meant to have sexual intercourse with each other.” –Joshua K.

“The Plugger Community Playhouse’s take on Dracula leaves much to be desired. While we must acknowledge the daring choice of reversing the traditional genders of the titular vampire and his victim, now styled as Mister Dino Harker, the play was generally as flaccid as the lead actor. Also – and we cannot be the first to note this – casting a chicken as Bram Stoker’s horrific Count Dracula strains credulity, as it must be noted that chicken, and birds in general, do not have teeth, and thus cannot drain the life-blood from their victims. Thus, while the lead actress attempted to appear menacing with a forceful pecking, the audience was left, not with terror, but with the impression of witnessing a barnyard scuffle for grain. 1 and 1/2 stars.” –Voshkod

“It’s a good thing they spent the time and trouble to take on the additional weight (and therefore fuel costs) on their yacht to make sure they had firewood they couldn’t use until the end of a several-thousand-mile journey from New Zealand to Hawaii. Wood doesn’t grow on trees, you know.” –Dutch Dollar

“It’s possible Leroy is a demon. Some sort of foul, immortal hellspawn in a hastily thrown-together human suit. It would explain a lot.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

‘His Arch-nemesis, Junior.’ For those that thought ‘The Riddler’ was too unnerving.” –Pozzo

That headline could just as easily been: ‘Police Chief Holds Newspaper.’” –Kevin on Earth

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.